Death By Celery
Celery (Apium graveolens) is a marshland plant.
The green part of the celery plant (including the leaves) is a Growth Zone 2 food, best eaten at midday.
The white part is a Growth Zone 3 food, best eaten in the evening.
Celery balances out sulfur-containing foods, such as …
cauliflower at midday
garlic at night
Here’s another “Letter to the Editor” I sent to a local newspaper …
Dear Editor …
The medical name for “Death by Celery” is “celery-dependent exercise-induced anaphylaxis.”
A single stalk is enough to do the deed.
The good news is you have to be moving right after chomping down on that celery stalk — “walking, jogging, running, aerobics, dancing, swimming, cycling, horse riding, tennis, basketball, soccer, skiing, raking leaves,” according to clinicians.
Not to worry. Hundreds may have died from “celery-dependent EIA.” but that’s out of many millions of celery eaters.
Apiole oleoresin in celery can cause liver and kidney damage, and celery was once eaten in quantity during the Middle Ages for abortion.
Folks have merely touched celery high in apiole, and broken out in either “classic or variant cholinergic urticaria” (bile-related hives, in plain English).
Hey, you can’t make this stuff up.
Anything can cause anything, and anything can cure anything.
By the way, let’s not get hung up on those calorie numbers “experts” calculate.
Human beings are not steam engines burning wood. We have “emergent properties” that transcend all quanta and quarks.
How can you explain characters like “Mr. Eats All” (Michel Lotito), who, over a lifetime, ate and digested bicycles (18), shopping carts (15), televisions (7), chandeliers (6), beds (2), a coffin, and an entire Cessna 150 aircraft?
Instead of counting calories, one might question why a whale or giant sea turtle, no matter how much they eat in captivity, never achieve the weight they do in the open ocean.
Here’s something I didn’t include in my “Letter to the Editor” …
Thanks to the 44th Vice President of the United States, supermarket celery is not the same as it was before 1991.