We covered (1) SEEKING, (2) LUST, (3) CARE, and (4) PLAY in my August 11 blog entry.
The final two emotional drives take us into what most would consider the Kink Zone …
(5) RAGE (anger).
Repressed anger is far worse than released anger – unless you release it destructively and hurt another person, of course.
We’ve all heard about the intensity of “revenge sex” and “make-up sex.”
Rage is a major driver of Life Force and the sexual drive.
Adano Ley (Swami Nitty-Gritty) called courage “controlled rage” (cou-rage), and effective longevity must be linked to the “rage to live.”
Welsh poet Dylan Thomas (1914-1953) wrote …
Do not go gentle into that good night
Old age should burn and rave at close of day,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Western society is so dead-set against physical immortality, you have to be a blood-sucking vampire or werewolf to achieve it.
Psychologist Havelock Ellis (1859-1939) wrote …
“Every animal in some degree owes its survival to the emotional reaction of anger against weaker rivals, to the emotional reaction of fear against stronger rivals. To this cause we owe it that these two emotions are so powerful and deeply rooted in the whole zoological series to which we belong. But anger and fear are not less fundamental in the sexual life. Courtship on the male’s part is largely a display of combativity, and even the very gestures by which the male seeks to appeal to the female are often those gestures of angry hostility by which he seeks to intimidate enemies. On the female’s part courtship is a skillful manipulation of her own fears, and, as we have seen elsewhere, when studying the phenomena of modesty, that fundamental attitude of the female in courtship is nothing but an agglomeration of fears.”
RAGE is usually the male side of this polarity, and FEAR is the female side, but the reverse can sometimes occur.
The above is the general rule because a “daddy porn” version of a trilogy like 50 Shades of Gray would be light-years away from making it to Number 1 on the New York Times best seller list.
There’s no “daddy geographic” for it.
(6) FEAR (anxiety).
Modesty relates to fear in both men and women, but, again, is usually the purview of women.
Havelock Ellis quoted a woman who wrote about the sexual attractiveness of whipping …
“Excessive fear is demoralizing, but it seems to me that the idea of being whipped gives a sense of fear which is not excessive. It is almost the only kind of pain (physical) which is inflicted on children or women by persons who they can love and trust, and with a moral object. Any other kind of bodily ill treatment suggests malignity and may rouse resentment, and, in extreme cases, an excess of fear which goes beyond the limits of pleasurable excitement.”
I’M WRITING ABOUT ROLE PLAYING, NOT SPOUSAL ABUSE.
Nowadays, the percentage of men preferring the FEAR (submission) role is increasing as is the percentage of women preferring the FORCE (domination) role.
Millions of couples unfortunately subconsciously crave erotic role playing while being consciously critical of it, leading to a huge number of relationship issues as well as collateral damage to relatives and friends (and police) sucked into the maelstrom of unresolved sexual cravings.
Most (yes, most) women are attracted to the “bad boy” archetype, preferring “bad and debased over naughty but nice.”
Victoria Howard wrote …
“If a survey were taken on whether women would want to date a man like James Dean or John Boy Walton, I guarantee you that poor Johnny boy would be left out in the cold.”
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'Primary Emotional Drives & Sexual Consummation #2' have 9 comments
August 15, 2012 @ 5:42 am John
Hi Atom, what is the difference between soaking almonds in apple juice as opposed to water ?
Can you use apple cider vinegar too ?
August 15, 2012 @ 6:16 am atomb
The 12 Basic Elements in an almond work better in synergy without other nutrients added, so soaking almonds in distilled water is optimum.
Occasionally soaking almonds in apple juice is no problem.
Apple cider vinegar in the morning is contraindicated and can lead to digestive problems.
August 15, 2012 @ 6:25 am atomb
She complained, “I feel like I have an albatross around my neck.”
A huge tumor grew on the right side of her neck.
It was a mother trauma.
I suggested, “Maybe it’s time to forgive your mother.”
She replied, “I’d rather die than forgive my mother.”
She went on cosmic vacation a month later.
August 15, 2012 @ 8:57 pm lucy
As a teenager I liked John boy better,but the boy who played John boy on my teenager years was faking being him,and anded up being not the wine James Dean,but a bad one.
So,I went to other bad one because of anger and that was the worst thing in my life.
After I got rid of the bad one I found again John boy – a better version,much,much brighter,much nicer than the original one. But,we always have a but if we don’t resolve
the problem, John boy came with difficult people in his family. So I had to confront the wine James Dean male and female in John boy’s family. Took me years,I got sick with a frog on my neck,but -this time the but is good – I put all of them to run away from my side,from my view,from my life. The end? No,I still have to deal with tons of stuff and I am wiser now. I do not want to eat/swallow frog anymore.
August 15, 2012 @ 9:36 pm atomb
Sometimes you have to kiss a Mr. Wrong or two to find your Mr. Right.
August 17, 2012 @ 3:38 am Dick Zaad
What Havelock Ellis is saying seems to contradict Peter Kropotkin’s work [thinking of Mutual Aid]. There’s a common cultural misconception about the role of violence, in general as well as regarding sex. Mainstream views influence researchers who are ignorant of Kropotkin’s work [a contemporary of Darwin].
On top of that general traumas cloud the healthy human condition; if the majority of mankind is clinically insane, as much research suggests, it’s hard for people to get a bearing on what constitutes sane. Going by what’s popular or common will not supply insight into what will make for healthy human traits. It can only serve further drama.
According to Alice Miller’s research 90% of the Germans during Hitler’s reign were psychologically scarred; were Germans at that time to assess what’s ‘the norm’, one can imagine that the results would be irrelevant to psychologically healthy individuals.
Similarly, what’s healthy, interesting, or attractive to most people doesn’t necessarily say anything about what constitutes healthy sexual practice (which is not to say that traumatized people should be denied the sexual expression that can aid their suffering).
According to The Milgram & Stanford Prison Experiments, somewhere between 2/3 to 3/4 of people in Western societies suffer from the authoritarian trauma Alice Miller speaks of. Healthy people would not be popular under such conditions.
August 17, 2012 @ 3:59 pm atomb
The primary emotions of FEAR and RAGE can be productively channeled for our survival.
“Craving the power to live” or “unthinking will power” is the third stage of Swami Nitty-Gritty’s EIGHT STAGES OF VOLITION, in his words, “Craving to survive is the cell’s own integrity.”
Peter Kropotkin (1842-1921) had great insights about the counterbalance to the “struggle for survival.”
Ants, bees, birds, elephants, and the cooperative colony of cells and microbes comprising a human “body” have much to do with cooperation and mutual aid … not to mention the cooperative effort of the sperm and ovum to form a zygote amid death and destruction of 100 million aggressive spermal competitors.
It’s now known some sperm actually run interference for those more capable of fertilizing the ovum.
Death (entropy) is the environment’s victory over colonial cooperation, which is why physical immortality (negentropy) is the only time “mutual aid” and sociability come out winners.
Sexual attraction has a lot to do with “mutual aid” as well as dominance.
It’s said that men are more into sex without attachment, but if it was true every man in the U.S. would live somewhere along “Whorehouse Highway” in Nevada, and the final scene of the 1989 movie War of the Roses would have the Michael Douglas character knocking the outstretched hand away from the Kathleen Turner character and not the other way around.
I’ve quoted Alice Miller (1923-2010) several times in my Body Language books, but think her trauma model is superficial and flawed compared to the research of Helen Flanders Dunbar (1902-1959) and her associates and contemporaries.
Thanks for reminding me about Kropotkin, Dick. Reading more of him is now on my to-do list. :)
August 17, 2012 @ 11:00 am lucy
Maybe would be wise to say than ” Thank God for Mr Wrong(s) because of them we can
find and know who Mr Wright is . (big/huge smile face -I still don’t know how to post it).
August 17, 2012 @ 2:56 pm atomb
:)